now what...

Mum has been gone for a month today. I miss her. I realized yesterday just how much. THere were times that that the only person I wanted to talk to about things was mum, yesterday was one of those times, and I realized she really was gone, and I felt so incredibly alone, and it was just devastated. At work! so that was fun. Thank god for locker rooms to hide in.

I miss her terribly, I mean in a lot of ways I've missed her for a long time, she wasn't herself for quite some time before she passed away, but she was still my mum and she was still there and at least if I needed them, hugs and reassurances were readily available. It's not like I don't have friends, I have an amazing group of friends and despite distance, they have been incredibly supportive, but still, not Mum. I don't know if I can really get used to the fact she isn't here anymore. When I really think about it it physically hurts in my guts. So I try not to dwell on it.

I have a good friend going through what I went through a month ago right now, with his father, we've been talking, it's hard because I know what he's going through, and I know there's nothing I can do or say that will make it any easier, I wish I could give him a hug.

Not much else to report, I work, I'm still working out a lot, I've lost some weight, so that's good. Things with Sluggo, well, we're still seeing one another but I'm not optimistic. I'd hoped with everything else that's gone on in the past 6 months he could be my gimme. Nope.

Dad is off in the UK until the 24th, it's nice having the place to myself. I miss living alone although I'm no longer used to *being* alone...

I went to the beach last week and took some pictures. I plan to do this a lot more...

I'm trying to figure out what my next move will be. I have no idea. I feel completely at sea.

This concludes your daily dose of glitter, happiness and kittens. Enjoy!

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[martha]

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