Rock Haus

reboot

So last week I was really letting my head crawl up my ass and getting all dark and twisty. A combination of really starting to miss Mum, the Mothers Day media smackdown, and my impending birthday, which was shaping up to be as awful if not worse than last years birthday, which was spent here and marked down in history as the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER. I was getting to feeling mighty sorry for myself..

I really can't stand myself when I get all BLAH BLAH BLAH

In the interest of getting out, shaking myself up, re-boot, refresh, change direction, decided to blow town for a couple of days for my birthday. It's my last birthday of my 30's, next year I turn 40 (OH MY GOD FOURTY *throws up slightly*) it can't suck. So on my birthday I'm getting on a train in the morning and heading to New York. I'm gonna visit Camille, maybe see Jayson, eat some good food, buy myself what i anticipate will be an extremely overpriced martini (maybe 2!) day after I'll be heading to Coney Island, which I've always wanted to see...dunno what else I'll get up to but I plan on taking lots of pictures. 

Weekend after I get back is a car show at Ralph's in Worcester, pretty psyched for that too.

so yeah that's where I'm at.

now what...

Mum has been gone for a month today. I miss her. I realized yesterday just how much. THere were times that that the only person I wanted to talk to about things was mum, yesterday was one of those times, and I realized she really was gone, and I felt so incredibly alone, and it was just devastated. At work! so that was fun. Thank god for locker rooms to hide in.

I miss her terribly, I mean in a lot of ways I've missed her for a long time, she wasn't herself for quite some time before she passed away, but she was still my mum and she was still there and at least if I needed them, hugs and reassurances were readily available. It's not like I don't have friends, I have an amazing group of friends and despite distance, they have been incredibly supportive, but still, not Mum. I don't know if I can really get used to the fact she isn't here anymore. When I really think about it it physically hurts in my guts. So I try not to dwell on it.

I have a good friend going through what I went through a month ago right now, with his father, we've been talking, it's hard because I know what he's going through, and I know there's nothing I can do or say that will make it any easier, I wish I could give him a hug.

Not much else to report, I work, I'm still working out a lot, I've lost some weight, so that's good. Things with Sluggo, well, we're still seeing one another but I'm not optimistic. I'd hoped with everything else that's gone on in the past 6 months he could be my gimme. Nope.

Dad is off in the UK until the 24th, it's nice having the place to myself. I miss living alone although I'm no longer used to *being* alone...

I went to the beach last week and took some pictures. I plan to do this a lot more...

I'm trying to figure out what my next move will be. I have no idea. I feel completely at sea.

This concludes your daily dose of glitter, happiness and kittens. Enjoy!