Just to keep you up to date...

So leave it to me to abandon y’all for a month and a half and then come back with this.

I’m home again. Mum had her third minor stroke about a week and a half ago, and I flew home for a visit last Tuesday. Mum was back from hospital, doing as well as could be hoped. It was all good, I was supposed to fly home this morning.

Last night I’d made dinner, Dad and I were done, but Mum whose appetite has been lacking for a couple of years was still working on her dinner. I’d told Dad I would help him re-paint my old bedroom so he and I had gone in there to discuss what had to be done, mask off the skirting board, paint that etc etc. I was supposed to start masking off, Dad went down in the basement to get something, I decided to slack off and go check my email on my laptop which was on the couch in the living room. I came in and mum was rocking back and forth in her chair. Her mobility has been affected by the strokes and the fact that she is 78, when trying to get out of her chair she will rock back and forth to gain momentum to stand up. I asked her if she needed help getting up. She didn’t answer but pointed at her throat. She was choking.

I tried patting her back that didn’t do anything, I screamed for my dad. I tried to pull her up but couldn’t lift her. She went limp, and slumped forward. My Dad got upstairs, he couldn’t lift her up, I called 911 while he tried to Heimlich her in the chair to no avail. I was certain I had just witnessed my Mother’s death and had been unable to help her. Dad was frantic, trying desperately to bring her around, I have never felt so helpless in my life.

 Emergency services arrived in under 5 minutes, had it been any longer I’m certain my mother would not be alive today. They suctioned most of the food out of her throat and got her breathing, she was awake but unresponsive. We followed the ambulance to Marlborough hospital. We waited in the ER for about 10 minutes before the doctor came out to talk to us, she said she was awake, but wanted to know if my mother had a DNR order in place, and asked who her proxy was. After she went away I saw my father actually cry for the first time in my life. Even after my uncle Jimmy died, his last living sibling, I saw him very solemn and shedding a tear, but not crying. They eventually let us back to see her, she was awake but very disoriented, she didn’t know what had happened or why she was there. She vomited several times. They cleaned her up and moved her to ICU.

I can’t even begin to describe how awful this whole thing was.

She is doing much better today. When we visited her she was awake and perky (in as much as my mother can BE perky) tonight she was moved out of ICU into a regular room. She will be as ok as my mother can be.

Ever since my mother had her first valve replacement surgery 10 years ago, I’ve known eventually I would have to move home. As an only child, a certain amount of responsibility rests on my shoulders. Through heart surgery and strokes one and two, I resisted, I wasn’t ready to let go of my life in Chicago. Selfish, maybe, but I wasn’t ready to come back. I figured when it was time for me to be here, I would know.

Now I know.

I need to be here. Not just for my parents, but for me. I don’t know how much longer my mother has, and  I want to be here for her, and also my Dad, he’s a solitary person, not one to ask for help or support, but when the time comes I can’t bear the idea of him being alone and wishing I was there. Also, my being here will allow my Dad some respite from being a 24 hour nursemaid. Mum will eventually have to go into a home, but he and I both know that will be the end of her. My being here will not only improve her quality of life (because my Dad can’t cook worth a damn) but maybe help postpone the inevitable. I don’t know how my Dad will cope with the inevitable loss of my mother, but I think my being here will make it easier for him.

I told my Dad on the way home from the hospital last night that I will move home, he hemmed and hawed, but I think he was still in shock. I will have a conversation with both of them about it once Mum is home, hopefully tomorrow. I want to be here. I never thought I would say I wanted to move home to Hudson, but as an only child, my parents are my only family. Sure I have my friends in Chicago, Chris, Bridget, Alysa, Sarah, Kate, Jessica, Joseph, Mike, most of whom I have known for 20 years and whom I consider my surrogate family, but my parents need me, and experience has taught me that those who are your real friends are your friends no matter the distance between you. This is where I need to be.

Not sure yet what the timetable is on this, ASAP as far as I'm concerned, lease be damned.

So, yeah, that’s about where I am now. How y’all doing?