I got your ho ho ho right here pal.

This entry not for the festive of spirit, just because *I* am the grinch who murdered christmas with a claw hammer doesn't mean I want to piss on YOUR cornflakes.

I haven't written much lately because it's quite difficult to type when your head is in dire need of extraction from your backside.

Calling it seasonal depression is such a cliche but when I can't think of a reason to get out of bed besides feeding the cat, and walking through Lincoln Square (which really is quite pretty) all lit up with its garlands and twinkly lights does nothing more than make me want to go home and crawl back under the covers and cry, and I find myself sleeping on the couch more often than not because I need the noise of the TV to drown out my constant internal chatter of anxiety, and going out of the house and dealing with people some days causes me tension I can't even describe, and whiskey is the only thing that settles me down* well, what would *you* call it? I think I particularly hate Christmas because I used to love it SO much, and now its something I dread. It's all different now, every year it's more different, and not in a good way, it's only going to get exponentially worse until my parents are gone and my christmas consists of nothing more than drinking whiskey and watching tv by myself and perhaps cracking open a can of the fancy cat food for the cat. And now I have to go home for a week and plaster on a smile and feign enthusiasm because my mother god bless her still loves Christmas and I'd rather loose a hand than ruin it for her.

*Fear not gentle readers, Miss Lis isn't spiraling into alcoholism, she can't afford it.

Ooer....that was a bit much wasn't it? Rock Hause pity party, table for one.  See that's why I haven't written.

Saturday night Calvin Marty is playing at Subterranean. I'm going, you should go too. If you go to this site and sign up (use your spam email) Calvin and his band get $3 and YOU get free entry. How exciting is that?

This morning I was up early enough to get a seat at my neighborhood coffee shop of choice as opposed to the one I usually end up at because it's bigger and has more seating, but I've officially boycotted it until after the holidays since last time I was in they were playing Christmas Music. Anyway, its close quarters here and I'm sitting about 6 inches away from a couple who are clearly in the blissful honeymoon stage of a relationship where they HAVE to hold hands across the table or THEY WILL DIE, and everything he says is HILARIOUS, and she is pretty and he is awkward and they are both obviously quite smitten but not shagging yet and there's gratuitous kissing of hands and giggling and although part of me wishes I could think "aawww, young love, how sweet" it's not even eleven in the morning yet and i haven't the stomach for this shit on my best day, even when I know and like the people involved.

okay, shutting my grumpy bitter old lady ass up now.

Comments

[Miss Sarah]

Well. That was definitely a mouthful - I would tell you to come over and veg at my place - but we all know I am the ultimate Christmas wonderland at the moment. Christmas and it's music is actually the only thing that pulls me out of a deep angst wallow - funny how some people's idea of hell is another's salvation. Oh that was deep.

[Simon]

Lis Rock - you live and breathe still!

We corresponded briefly when we found each other on the Joe Jackson site. It wasn't a passionate, or even enormously vital, relationship (by any means) but you were writing and taking good pics and I was, er, writing and not taking good pics. But I was getting paid a lot for my writing then and.. uh... yuh, so what's going on?

Re-found your site entirely by chance, so there must be some sort of mathematical serendipity in Google, if that doesn't sound too wanky...

Have a good Christmas whatever! Glad yr still around. Simon