Rock Haus

My personality is flatlining.

Rush Limmbaugh needs to be roughly sodomized with a rusty post hole digger.

The other morning I saw a coyote in the back yard, I tried to get a picture but he skedaddled when I opened the window. Wanted to leave large hunks of bloody red meat to lure him back for a photo op, but mum refused to allow it.

Scene from a mall:
Miss Lis: man, where was this mall when we were in High School and needed somewhere to work other than Burger King?
Andy: Yeah I know
ML: We got screwed, we could have worked at the mall, it would have been just like Fast Times
A: Yeah, you could have found your Spiccoli
ML: <<sigh>> yeah.....

Last night I made my spaghetti sauce for dinner. It passed the Mum test, which means it does in fact rock as hard as I say it does. Pot Roast got high marks too, but Mum doesn't make pot roast.

Scene from the living room:
(Watching an old episode of Roseanne in which Jackie and her husband are about to get busy in the diner in an effort to spice up their love life)
Mum: They're gonna have sex in the diner? Who would do that? Why would you do that? Why would you have sex in a public place? I would never do that!
Miss Lis: I um..mumble.... (abruptly gets up and leaves room)

I rarely answer the phone when booty calls, but when I'm 1000 miles from home, it's nice to be thought of...he probably didn't see it the same way, but his feelings have never been part of the arrangement.

Last night I dreamed I smoked a cigarette. Strangely, now I no longer want one.

Um...

Yesterday evening I went over to the Morgan Bowl to meet up with Marianne and her girlies at the Pumpkinfest. As far as small town entertainment goes, it was okay, there were carved pumpkins, festy food (fuuuuunnneeellll caaaaaake) bouncy castle (no grownups allowed - boo hiss, and apparently a state of arrested development doesn't count) kids in costume, a snap in the air, a crappy band. Oh, and there wasn't a fire, the event was sponsored by the Hudson Fire Department who took the event as an opportunity to show off their shiny new firetruck...all in all, quality entertainment.Of course I've essentially been a shut in for the past week.

Last night I dreamed I had a cigarette in my hand and I was going to light it and I was thinking about how wonderful it was going to be, but every time I went to light it I would get distracted...today all I want is a cigarette. Sweet yummy cigarettes...mmmmmmm. No, I'm not gonna do it...not after I've gone to the trouble of gaining all this weight and becoming a big fat cow...nope, I'm committed.

Can you tell I'm bored?

Mum is doing well, I'm making us pot roast for dinner.

I am so going out drinking when I get home. Since RU has seen fit to oust me, I see fit to show up miserably hung over and phone it in for the last 2 weeks. I have already secured my glowing reference which won't go away no matter what I do, so fuck it.

Gonna sneak out for an hour or two tomorrow and take some pictures. Y'all can proceed to wait on tenterhooks.

My Dad has lots of stuff

Today I took some pictures of some of it.

Anything else wonderful that happens today is just gravy...

I just got to tell door to door God-botherers to fuck off. I only wish I'd had the thought to grab one of dad's shotguns...generally I don't approve of guns, but I approve far less of door to door Jesus peddaling.

10 more days...

Here's a super cute picture of me and Marianne (high school BFF) being punk rock divas back in, I would guess, 1987...aaaawww.

It's been pissing down rain for the most part for the past few days. Tomorrow I may make a brief escape from the house to go to pumpkinfest with Marianne and her girlies. You will all be interested to know that the article I just linked was written by my Aunt Rosemary. Exciting, no?

Sorry I haven't much to talk about, I've been housebound for 3 days watching telly and scanning pictures....perhaps the pumpkinfest will break my ennui.

Oh, and as of wednesday it was FIVE MONTHS, BITCHES. I'd feel a lot more accomplished about that had I not weighed myself the other day and been made painfully aware just HOW MUCH weight I've gained. moo.

I wish I could invent a time machine

So I could go back in time and give my 4 year old self a firm smack for allowing this picture to be taken. Jeezus Gawd. Since I can't do that however, rather than burn it and pretend it never happened, I am instead choosing to post it on the internet, opening myself up to merciless mockery. I may even make it my default MySpace profile picture.

In an effort to keep myself amused and my hands out of the fridge, I decided today that it is my mission in life to digitally archive all our family pictures...I scanned a lot of stuff. I have a LOT more to scan. I uploaded a bunch of it to flickr if you're the least bit interested in seeing where I came from.

Note to self

After shooting at iso 1600 and pulling the exposure by 1.3 stops, SET THE CAMERA BACK TO NORMAL SO YOU DON'T ARSE UP ANOTHER NICE SHOT LIKE THIS.

Feh. Dad had me up at the asscrack of dark to drive him to the airport shuttle this morning. By the time I got back from Framingham, the sun was just coming up, so I popped in the house, grabbed my camera and drove over to Centennial beach. There was mist over the lake, the sun was coming up, god it was lovely - and I completely cacked it up - the shots are all dark and noisy. Arse arse arse.

If I feel really ambitious, perhaps I'll get up early another morning and try again, although if the lake cools I won't get the cool fog...or that freaky cloud formation.

Mum is well. Last night we went to the all you can eat chinese buffet, she's getting around pretty well and her appetite is returning. Basically I'm here to serve as chauffeur and cook, which is fine. Leaves me plenty of time for sitting on my ass...and eating kippers...which I think I will go do right now...mmmm...kippers and a nice cuppa tea.

Blasphemous Rumors?

Open scene, God and Jesus are hanging out, splitting a cheap bottle of sacramental plonk, and having a chat....

God - So yeah, Miss Lis's Mum having that stroke, that was a bit of a bummer, she's a nice lady, still believes in us, even goes to church..
Jesus - Yeah I know, but that daughter of hers...
G - She's been pretty upset this week
J - yeah I know, the blubbing on the train and at work, the insomnia...(sniggers, pours himself another glass of wine) you know what would be funny, I mean REALLY funny?
G - What?
J - If she lost her job
G - You think?
J - Oh yeah, come on, priceless stuff...seriously, tell me you wouldn't get a bit of a giggle out of it..not to mention all that taking of our names in vain - *don't* tell me THAT desn't get up your nose...
G - (cracks smile, holds out his glass as Jesus fills it)You got me - you're right...let's do it
J - Done and done...

HA HA FUCKING HA. Found out friday that 2 weeks after I get back my job at RU goes away.

Oh yeah, after I get back - I'm leaving Monday to go home for a couple of weeks. Mum is out of the hospital and doing really well, it was a v. minor stroke, so minor Mum didn't want Dad to cancel his UK trip...Dad of course doesn't want her left alone, so off I go. Many heartfelt thanks to my girls Miss Sarah, Mrs Bridget, Miss Julie and Miss Jessica for all their help and support.

I only hope with the way my life has been going that my plane doesn't fall from the sky and land in the ground like a friggin lawn dart.

In less emotionally harrowing news: Today was the Hunnert Car Pileup, I posted a shitload of pictures, and there are more to come. Enjoy.

blah.

I had a lovely weekend, 3 days off, Dinner Party at Miss A's, Game Night at Sarah's, drinks and wings at The Daily with Jessica, a successful weekend overall.

Then this morning I hear from Dad that Mum had a mild stroke and is in the hospital. So that's where my head is at. No I don't know how she's doing, no I don't know what *mild* means exactly. I had what was deemed a "mild" stroke some years back, and aside from some mild nerve damage I'm perfectly fine. Of course I was 22 and in great health. Mum is 76. I hate this.

Hope y'all are well. Hug your people if you can.

Bitterness with a side of cupcake

The other day, on the topic of this article in The Onion, I had the following conversation with The Dave:

Miss Lis: So the other morning I'm on the train and this fucking couple is standing right in front of me totally making out and being cute and making those fucking kissy noises that make me want to puke - I was fantasizing about pulling the emergency stop on the train, pulling open the doors with my newfound freakish inhuman strength, and pushing them out...

The Dave: no, no, what you want to do is push ONE out, then be all "Who you gonna make out with NOW asshole!!??"

I love The Dave.