Rock Haus

My internal dialogue is a chorus of screaming monkeys.

I love my parents but...

There's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...

I fly out tomorrow, come midnight tomorrow night I'll be blissfully curled up on the couch. My god I've missed my couch.

I can't wait.

Greetings, from the time that DSL forgot...

Also known as the last bastion of dial up...AOHell, no less.

I've mentioned before that my Dad, being British, is genetically compelled to bird watch.  In an effort to make the mountain come to Mohammed, the back garden is festooned with bird feeders (amid the ground control style radio antennas). The supplies for the bird feeders are stored in bins in the basement, and have, unsurprisingly, attracted a small populace of rodents.  Recently, my mother, much to her horror, found, amid a load of laundry fresh from the dryer, a dead mouse.  My father's response to this was to sing "our house, has a very very very clean mouse...." (I suppose if you don't get the song reference you'll just have to take my word for it when I say t was really bloody funny).

I love my parents.

Blah blah (with links)

Happy Tuesday my little passionflowers.

I would like to open with an apology to Miss Kathy - I said I was coming to your brunch, and honestly, I was, but then I got up Sunday morning, and it was *cold* as a futhermucker, and the CTA trip out to Oak Park seemed tremendously daunting...so I didn't go. That's right, I am admitting my absence was due to nothing more than a combination of wussiness and extreme laziness.  But you have to admit - It was cold out. I'm sad that I missed Miss Kathy's brunch, as I always have a good time, the bacon flows like water, and Miss Kathy is friends with some of the coolest folks on the planet, the likes of whom include Miss Julie, Mr. Mike, Ubermilf, and well, of course, yours truly. I hope those in attendance did have fun...and I don't know why it didn't occur to me until right now that I should have tried to score a ride off Mr. Mike.....bah.

Had a nice weekend nonetheless. After work on friday went home to my couch, spent a lovely evening curled up watching MeTV, which, having not had a whole lot of quality couch time lately was awesome, I totally heart my couch. Saturday involved much intensive sitting around ignoring housework, followed by work that night, Sunday more sitting, and then the making of chili...had a couple of folks round for chili, we watched Elf, it was v. exciting.

I leave to go to Massachusetts at the asscrack of still dark out Thursday morning. Although I detest travel, I am looking forward to seeing my parents.  Dad had what docs describe as a "stroke warning" a couple of weeks ago, which is scary as all fucking hell, so I'm looking forward to giving him a big hug. Mum too....The one thing I hate about living in Chicago is how far it is from Massachusetts. I haven't seen the folks since last Christmas, and am feeling more than a little guilty about that, not to mention, sometimes a girl just needs her Mummy close at hand.

New Years Eve this year finds me working, not at the usual place tho, this year, in lieu of Matt (one of my very favourite co-workers), I am the hired door muscle for the Polkaholics at their annual NYE blowout, I think it will be a lot of fun, and certainly cheaper than giving all my money to the hot bartender at Gold Star, which has been my MO for the past 3 years or so.  After I get out of there I have tentative plans to go home to my couch...this could change, but I'm hoping not.

So exciting or not, that is the update on whats up in Miss Lis Land.  Just so it's not THE most boring entry ever, I give you a couple of links:

This one from Jolly James (this one being the creepiest Santa I've ever seen in my life)

And here is an awesome cover, combining 3 of my favourite things: Pulp, William Shatner, and Joe Jackson - link pilfered from Nysonol.

Hi kids!

Is it wrong that it was hard for me to stifle a chortle today at the grocery store when in the pet section I saw a dog toy called "Floppy fantasy"?  Come on google - bring on the floppy fantasists.

Today's MySpace solicitation comes from Mike in Schaumburg. Mike wanted me to know I'm pretty. Isn't that sweet? A perusal of Mikes profile reveals very little about him, except that he's 35, a Cancer, and belongs to the group" Lesbians, lesbians, and more lesbians".

I was also devastated to learn that Miss Julie, received the EXACT SAME EMAIL from my suitor out in Elgin. The EXACT SAME ONE!!! Sigh...and here I was sure I had found my soulmate. DAMN YOU ELGIN GUY!!! YOU TOOK MY HEART AND MADE A FOOL OF ME!! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

K-L-A-S-S

Choice quotes from the next maury:

"I might only have one leg, but I'm a hell of a lot better looking than you"

followed up by

"biitch, if he's not the father of your baby I'm gonna take that prosthetic leg of yours and beat you with it!!"

sigh.
My life is boring.

Further evidence shows...

I wasn't kidding about the coffee thing, received the following in my work email this morning:

Not sure who brewed the Turkish style coffee today but later this week, I’ll be conducting 5 minute coffee brewing course that will take us through the process.  Please RSVP if you will be attending.

This was from M, who makes a fine cup of coffee (and yes, he was being funny). I watched him do it this morning, I do the same thing he does...so it must be me.

In other news, it's that time of year when vendors suck up to customers, so the office has been a never ending buffet of cookies and popcorn...I may ingest an entire bag of cheesy popcorn. I don't know what they put in it, but I can only assume it's got a narcotic base, since I can't stop eating it, no matter how orange my hands become...

See how boring this post was? Weren't you happier getting the silent treatment?

Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match...

Who needs dating services when there's MySpace??

Just received this for the THIRD time from some guy (exact same message) in Elgin IL:

Hi, this is (name changed to protect the desperate),

I am a single white man in Elgin Illinois. I saw your profile and thought we had a lot in common,,why don't you check out my profile, and if you feel the same way,,you are welcome to give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXXXX. I give you my number to put you at ease as anyone willing to give up their phone number is not a person to be afraid of. I also do this to weed out those women just looking for a cyber relationship. I am looking for the real deal and have no patience or time for a woman who wants only a chat buddy or to tell me how horrible her ex was and how devastated she is by this. Hey, we all have a past, and if you are over the age of 2..you have most likely been hurt at least once in your life. Get over it and move on, life is too short for self pity and wasting time…...If you are ready to pursue a new chapter in your life and ready for a man who is emotionally as well as romantically available then give me a call,,bye for now- (Name omitted)

Ps. Let’s ring in the new year together.

Just when I was sure I would die alone.

Is it possible for ones genetic makeup to profoundly affect things outside their physical being?

or: Why in fuckery can't I make a good cup of coffee?

Seriously. Take the same coffee (in pre-measured portions, I might add) same water, same coffee maker...while M. the production manager's coffee is nice and smooth and tasty, appropriate for one of those moments of our lives fireside chats with mummy about feminine hygiene products and kissing boys, a warm and cuddly experience all the way round, MY brew is more akin to gargling thumbtacks while having your eyeballs drilled out with a keyhole bit.

I just don't know what I do wrong...

mumble....

Miss lis: Hi baby, I’m back!
Gentle reader: :::stony silence:::
ML: Aw baby, come on, don’t be like that!
GR: Where have you BEEN??
ML: Come on baby, you know how things get crazy
GR; You know, things have been crazy here too, but YOU wouldn’t know that, would you? Miss “oh la-de-da, I think I’ll just drop off the planet for a couple of weeks".
ML: I wrote yesterday!
GR: Oh, one line, thank you very bloody much, oh, and there was that “I’m not dead” business a week ago” VERY compelling…and during the holidays – NICE
ML baby, I’m sorry – but look, I brought you something!
GR: What is it!!!??
ML A big steaming mug of shut the fuck up I’ve been busy!
GR You’re an asshole.
ML: but you love me
GR: >>>bristling<<

So, big snow the other day, well, not that big…in my mind to qualify as a BIG snow, we need at least a foot, but we got a good 4 or 5 inches, and that was enough to send the entire city of Chicago into  a “OH MY GOD THE SKY IS FALLING” hissy fit.  Yesterday I was at work at RU, down in the southeast loop, I was out picking up some mounting board for work and some other miscellaneous errands, and a s I passed from beneath one building awning to another, a big piece of ice came whizzing past my head and smashed on the ground. And when I say “past my head” I mean I literally FELT it pass within an inch of my nose.  This of course spurred imaginings of what might have happened, had the ice impacted with my head the way it so obviously wanted to (Ice has been out to get me for years – I can cite dozens of slip and fall accidents that support this assertion)  all I could imagine was me laid out and bleeding from the head on Wabash Street, as paramedics poked me with a stick:

“well, she has no insurance, whadaya think we should do with her?’
“hell if I know, hey, there’s a Potbelly’s in this building, let me buy you a sandwich and we’ll think about it”
“and just leave her here?”
‘where’s she gonna go?
‘it doesn’t seem right to leave her there…”
“Dude, it’s 17 degrees out here, she’ll still be fresh when we get back’
“good point, okay – let’s go…hey after we eat you mind if we hit State street? I’m almost done with my shopping…..

Yesterday UPS delivered to me the culmination of a quest – a couple of years ago I had a wonderful navy blue king sized chenille blanked. It was the SHZ-NIT. Warm and snuggly and just the best thing ever…then the cat sicked on it. The I washed it…that was the end of that (they really do mean hand wash, apparently – gentle cycle doesn’t count) Anyhoo…FINALLY, I found a replacement*, on Target.com, on clearance, in a delightful shade of sage green...in the coming cold months I plan to spend as much time as possible on my couch with this blanket…I am in love with this blanket.

Nothing much of note to report really…I’m gonna go do my laundry now…

*And yes I know chenille blankets aren’t the hardest thing to come by, but chenille  blankets I can AFFORD that aren’t complete shite are…

Thinking about....

How much I'd like a Ramones logo tattooed on my backside.